Becoming One

Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage has been a thrilling and terrifying roller coaster for Chris and me. We inch up hills, click by stomach-churning click, scared and excited about the unknown depths we are about to plummet. Then without warning, the tiny cart jerks us ninety degrees, suddenly altering our course in a completely different direction. Just when we regain balance, complete darkness envelops us as we enter tunnels that seemingly have no end. Does anyone else feel like marriage has been this way?

Chris and I are gasoline and fire. Under control, God uses us for His glory; out of control, we burn up everything in our paths, including ourselves. As a precursor to what married life would be for us, we got into a huge fight on our honeymoon night and spent most of the night in angry silence. In fact, when Chris asked God if I was the girl he was supposed to marry, he petitioned God for a sign. What was the sign? He asked God to let us go one night without fighting. One night. Not a month or even a week, just one night without fighting. Like I said, gasoline and fire.

The early years were filled with my way vs. his way. Fighting for our rights was a way of life for two people who did not want to yield their “twoness.” If Chris got to sleep in one morning while I got up with the newborn, then he owed me a morning to sleep in. If I went out with friends one night, then he was owed the same luxury. If we spent money on something he wanted, then I started looking for my next purchase. Twoness.

“Yield” was not in our vocabulary. According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, yield means “to give up possession of a claim or demand, to surrender or relinquish control, to submit oneself to another.” Are you kidding me? I wanted no part of yielding. If I surrendered, who would make sure I was taken care of?

The first time I remember God dealing with us about yielding happened early. Three months after we got married, I got pregnant, and we spent our first anniversary in the hospital with our newborn son. One night my son woke me up crying, and as I was rocking him back to sleep, God spoke clearly to my heart. He asked me to step down from work and stay home with my son. God may as well have asked me to part the Red Sea because this was impossible. We were young parents and relied heavily on both incomes; plus, I was ambitious and enjoyed working. While I sat in that rocking chair soothing my crying infant, God held me and soothed my own soul. Gently, He asked me to yield my will to His.

As I came to terms with God’s plan, I informed Him that Chris would never go along with this plan because we could not afford for me to quit my job. (Remembering this monumental moment now, I can almost see the sweet grin come across my heavenly Father’s face as He pacified me.) My mind could only think in twoness. How was God ever going to convince Chris to align with this crazy plan?

Early the next morning I told Chris what God had spoken to me. Immediately, he said, “Yes, I think that is what we should do.” What?! No argument, no bargaining, no record-keeping. And he said “we” not “me.” Where did this oneness come from? The answer is simple: God.

Genesis 2 is the formation of marriage. Marriage is God’s idea, God’s formation, and God’s action. Look at all the actions taken by God Himself with regards to marriage:

·       God noticed that there was not a helper fit for Adam (Gen. 2:20).

·       God caused Adam to enter a deep sleep so He could provide one (Gen. 2:21).

·       God took one of Adam’s ribs from which to create woman (Gen. 2:21).

·       God closed up Adam’s flesh (Gen. 2:21).

·       God made woman (Gen. 2:22).

·       God brought the woman to the man (Gen. 2:22).

·       God joins the two together to become one flesh (Matt. 19:5; Gen. 2:24).

Do you recognize who is in charge of forging two people who only know twoness into one? God. This takes the pressure off us! Look at how God put their union on His shoulders. However, we do have a role—yielding to God’s work.

Jesus says in Matthew 19:5, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

God joins, and we yield to the joining. Our instruction is NOT to separate what God is joining.

Let me give you one more definition of yielding: “to give place or precedence and acknowledge the superiority of someone else.” Yielding is giving place to God as the One in charge. As we yield, God joins. He joins us to Himself and to one another. We are safe to yield to God because He protects, provides, and cares for us.

Yielding to God in that little apartment so many years ago was the first step for Chris and me to journey into becoming one. We are still on that journey, falling back into twoness at times. But God is so faithful to prick our hearts and continue forging. Will you take that step and yield to God? What is God asking you to yield to Him right now? If you are not sure, just ask Him. His great desire and plan for your marriage is to join the two of you into becoming one.